I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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