I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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