i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
