A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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