I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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