Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
