Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
