1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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