he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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