Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
