Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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