it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
