The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
