My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize