I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
