who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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