My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i dont even know how to be here
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
