So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
