Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
