why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
