How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
