i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
