it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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