A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
