I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
