somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
