hotel room ftw
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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