Moan for me like Helen Keller
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize