i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
