This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
