Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize