its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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