Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
