he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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