you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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