We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
