He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
