I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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