I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
