this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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