I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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