I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
