worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
