Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
