I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize