I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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