come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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