He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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