You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
