dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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