my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
