I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize