If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
