Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
