i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize