epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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