I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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