I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude i'm inner monologue high
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
