Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
try to milk me bitch
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
