you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
