I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
