Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize