I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
