Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
