When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize