last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
