is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
