I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
vagina is talking i cant
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
