Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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