the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize