In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
