last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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