the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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