You can't motorboat a personality
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
