I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
