dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize