my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
