Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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