I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize