you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
