oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
