My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Randomize
