We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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