his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
