just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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