Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
