Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
