I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
