yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
