Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
