I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize