I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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