sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
