Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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