All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
