I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Is it because I queefed?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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