I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
