Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize