Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
