It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
