how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
