Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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